Slouch to Bethlehem - part 4
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woohooligan Apr 28, 2017
woohooligan NEW! Check out our best laughs from 2016!
Oversharing really does vary from person to person... A few years ago when we first got custody of my kids, my son Nick was really weird about nudity and would wig-out if he came in the room and the TV show Tiffany and I were watching showed women in bikinis. God forbid he ever find himself at a beach or a public pool. To this day, my eighteen-year-old daughter, Calli, wigs-out if tiffany or I utter the words "your period", even in a closed car where only the two of us can hear it. Thankfully, Nick's mostly gotten over that nonsense -- Calli not so much.

In any event, Amity's got a lot on her mind.

In personal news, April's been brutal... As has been the case for several years now, I'm still the only driver for five people, including my mother-in-law, Carol, who couldn't get an endocrinologist on her insurance any closer than Hamilton, which is an hour away by car. That was the primary reason why Tiffany and I took on a new super-expensive car payment when our well-maintained Dodge Caravan lost a transmission suddenly in October. Carol has hyperparathyroid and needs to see the doctor down there and there's no way to do that on a bus, cab or Uber. Meanwhile, all month we've had a flurry of extra doctor's appointments for the rest of the family, and we've been preparing for Carol's surgery which is coming up next week. Carol's other daughter and one of her grandsons, hearing that she was going in for (a minimally invasive) surgery, decided that they desperately need to come sleep on our floor for a week around the surgery, when they've not been bothered to do more than talk to her on the phone for over six years.

Our internet was out for a day AND I've been sick off and on for the week after my new psychologist prescribed me Cymbalta. I didn't want Cymbalta, I just wanted to stop LITERALLY passing out for several hours if I run more than two errands on a given day, for which Provigil should be a perfectly reasonable, "as-needed" solution (I have to take the Cymbalta every day, ffFFFffFFFFF!)... but my psychologist apparently thinks I must be clinically depressed and need my chemicals balanced, despite the fact that he's seen me for a grand total of thirty minutes and didn't even have any bloodwork to know if I even had a chemical imbalance in the first place (which I'm reasonably certain I don't). So instead I'm dealing with periodic hypothermia (temperature below 95-degrees) -- checking the thermostat in the room and seeing 70-degrees and still hot and sweaty (and not in the good way). And given that this makes me feel both like-crap and sleepy, it's the opposite of the effect I wanted, but I'm told I have to wait three weeks before I can comment on the effects. FFFfff-FFFfffF-FF-FFFUUU!

All of this is heaped on top of the ridiculous number of hours I've had to devote to managing my advertising, which is a necessity if I want to meet my goal of earning my living with my comedy. All of which leaves me with only two days if I want to publish more than two comic pages this month and/or publish a bonus for patrons... If I do publish a patron bonus, it won't be a big three-or-four-page comic, like it has been in recent months.

There's a small, silver lining in that I know my advertising is super-effective and it's driving a ton of new people to the site and the comics are getting a lot of shares on Twitter and Facebook. Not only that, but throughout 2016 the "dwell times" on the site have been consistently between three and six minutes, well over the two minutes I've seen described as "outstanding!" This means means you guys are really reading and enjoying these pages! :D The challenge is that I'm having a real difficult time funding the advertising.

There's not a lot I can do about the doctor's appointments and Carol's surgery, but at least if we had a few more pledges on our Patreon, I could spend less time managing my advertising and that would give me that time back to spend actually making comedy. And seriously, it's only a dollar a month. What else are you going to do with that dollar? You're just going to spend it on coffee and regret... so why not put it toward a good belly laugh? And if you just feel like you can't afford that extra buck, then at least join all your fellow hooligans in sharing the comics with your friends! Thanks!

Stay awesome, Hooligans!

You are an important part of Laughter for a Better World!

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