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woohooligan Mar 29, 2017
woohooligan NEW! Check out our best laughs from 2016!
EDIT: If you enjoyed this, you should also check out Let the Wookiee Win!

Woohoo! C'mon, you know it had to happen, right? I mean... seriously... it wasn't just blowing up StarKiller Base (the artist formerly known as "Death Star") that made The Force Awakens formulaic... and yet, for all it's formula, we fans virtually creamed our shorts when we saw Han Solo (oh my god, I can't believe it) on... (wait for it)... his own ship... (omg, omg, it's happening!) the Millennium Falcon! I mean, come on guys, it's the ship that made the Kessel run in under 12 parsecs! Next we're going to be floored by seeing Bilbo in the Shire, Kirk in command of the Enterprise, and the Doctor in the TARDIS! OMG it's bigger on the inside!

I'd like to go on record here as saying that I don't think fans hate the prequels because they lack that formula. I think fans hate the prequels because there's a lot to hate. Forget the possibly over-hyped complaints about Jar Jar Binks being a racist stereotype, despite Roger Eberts prediction that he would be "as loved as Winnie the Pooh". Well, Ebert got part of that right, we do think of Jar Jar as poo. But there's plenty of other loathesome story-writing going on there... the introduction of midi-chlorians, or the god-powered, untrained, pre-pubescent Anakin who, (like a certain Twilight Zone character), could probably WISH a planet out of existence if he wanted to, but somehow can't figure out any way to help get him and his mom out of slavery. How about this, kid: instead of building a damn protocol droid you have zero use for, why don't you build a pickpocketing droid, save up some cash and buy your freedom, you little prick! Oh, wait... the moisture vaporators the farmers use DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH... nevermind, carry on.

Lucas was never a very good writer himself... He made another more traditional sci-fi movie before A New Hope, called THX-1138, and that nobody remembers, although it became the name for the THX sound technology. Star Wars became so popular in large part because Lucas had a lot of help from other people who inspired him and collaborated with him, like Frank Herbert's Dune books and Jim Henson's puppetry. Star Wars was a great example of a soup that required a lot of cooks... but that's not to say that there isn't still such a thing as too many cooks. Even though the revelation about Vader being Luke's father wasn't part of the original story (which explains why Luke's name was never changed from Skywalker when he was hidden with his extended family ON VADER'S PLANET OF ORIGIN), it's not like Lucas was the first person to defile the franchise. Some years ago, Timothy Zhan wrote a number of official Star Wars novels in which Luke, much like the comic/video-game character Scott Pilgrim (Versus the World), has to lightsaber battle with his evil clone named... Luuke! But unlike Lucas, Zhan had the common decency to apologize after giving us Luke versus LuuuUUUuuuUUUUke! But over the years, many of the problems with Star Wars actually boil down to fan-service. Han and Chewbacca appear nowhere in the prequels (so far), because there wasn't any logical place for them to appear in them. Why should R2D2 and C-3PO make appearances? And at that, horribly band-aided-in appearances that make no narrative sense in the story. Why? Because Lucas (and possibly others) felt obsessively compelled to offer those cameos as fan-service (though the red-armed C-3PO is more easily forgiven in the Force Awakens)...

Now, it's nice to occasionally give fans something that they'd like to see. Certainly I don't think we should be adversarial with our fans, rejecting their suggestions out of hand, but as creators we should be careful gatekeepers, not just catering to their every whim. That will cause all sorts of problems... The Force Awakens has produced a great example of this in the "who is Lord Snoke" game... apparently Lord Snoke could be just about anyone, even including former Emperor Palpatine, Darth Vader or Mace Windu. Fans like to overanalyze and obsess about tiny little details, the way a hypochondriac reads WebMD and decides they have everything all at once, including both enlarged prostate and ovarian cysts! (Remind me to tell you about my heartworm problem!) We can't help it, we want more and we can't wait, so we make up our own shitty stuff to fill the gap while we wait for the next official Scooby-Doo-esque installment... so we beat off, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into fan theories.

But I think we can all agree that none of those theories about Snoke are going to win them any Oscars... for that they need Binks. Yessss.... let the hatred flow through you.

Hey, if you enjoyed this, there is a bonus ending to this comic with a sweet reveal! I do this every month as a special gift for the many wonderful people who help me on this crazy ride! I want to give a big shout out to my patrons who make this all possible, including Rebecca Cohen, Sarah Roark, Electric Gecko, Alejandro Lee, Christine Brunson, Ricky Fang, Melissa Redman and others. These friends and other nerds like you are helping me live my dream of bringing you this funny shit as my full-time gig! And if you'd like the extra funny shit I make just for them, you can get access to all that on our Patreon page staring at just $1 per month! That's it. For less than the cost of one cup of coffee a month, you can get access to at least 83 bonus comics I've made for them and more! It's all right here! :D

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