For Whom the Bell Tolls
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woohooligan Jun 28, 2015
woohooligan NEW! Check out our best laughs from 2016!
Any man's death diminishes me, because I am involved in Mankind; And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.

Some of you may not be aware, but when Dante wrote the divine comedy, the popular belief of the day was that unbaptized babies went to hell because of their original sin. So when Dante first enters hell at the beginning of the story, one of the first things he sees is a giant room full of babies in hell. I like to think most modern Christians have some kinder, alternative belief. ;)

I mentioned after a previous page how I believe that people's morality comes before their religion, rather than as most people believe, their religion giving rise to their morality.

Having said that however, if we were going to agree with Voltaire's idea that it would be necessary to invent God to keep monarchs from abusing their people, then I think Christianity's concept of "original sin" is a good example of how NOT to do that. :P According to Voltaire, the only way to keep Kings and Emperors from abusing their people was to convince them that they'd have hell to pay (literally) after they died if they did so... of course, you can look at Syria today to see precisely how this doesn't work... but even if it did, Christianity would offer no real solution.

If you read the specific bible passages in which original sin is described, the reasoning goes something like this:

- God creates everything - everyone is happy, Adam enjoys immortality in Eden

- Adam eats the forbidden fruit and is kicked out of the garden and has to experience death and hell - and since Yaweh is such a JUST god, he decrees that all of Adam's children and grandchildren forever and ever will also have to go to hell to pay for Adam's failure

- Jesus is Crucified, thus paying for the sin of all of Adam's children and grandchildren, forever and ever

See the problem here?

There's no accountability in it. First you have to pay for a crime you didn't commit (queue the action-movie music)! So there you are sitting in jail for a short while when the warden comes along and says "you're free to go -- some schmuck decided to do your time for you." WTF?!

So the end result is what? You're just back to square one, through no fault of your own.

So getting back to Voltaire, if we agree with his idea that monarchs and politicians will only be good if they fear God, here's how a monarch would see this description of original sin:

1. You're evil and you're going to hell anyway, because of Adam (okay, no incentive to be good there)

2. It doesn't matter anyway and you still get to go to heaven, because Jesus took care of it for you (continuing right along with the theme of no incentive to be good)

But at least, being a prideful gay man, you know Lucifer's got to be a great dad! :D (Also he's the only prince of hell even remotely likely to care for them... he's prideful -- the others are wrath, lust, greed, gluttony, envy and sloth... yeah, none of them assholes raisin' no babies!)

There's something really cool about Samael. I'm not sure what it is... just can't put my finger on it... anyway, some of you may recognize him from a previous comic I did for a while called Cashing In. Some day I'd love to resurrect that story, I think it's got potential to be hilarious! ;)

Stay awesome, Hooligans!

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BiggerJ Jun 30, 2015
The Man Upstairs - I can't help but wonder about the looming God reveal. If humanity is so flawed by God's standards, it would make sense for God to be messed up by human standards. But how far out will he turn out to be? Will God simply turn out to be an enormous jerk by our standards? Or will it turn out that the only human ever to get God right was H.P. Lovecraft when he wrote about Azathoth, the insane, chaotic, gibbering blind idiot god depicted as a writhing, thrashing mass of tentacles at the center of existence? I'm not even saying this to be mean at Chrstianity, I'm just taking logic to its furthest extent.
woohooligan Jun 30, 2015
woohooligan Well so far God's appeared in two pages of this story -- the first page and the page about biblical literalism. In both cases he was kicking someone out of someplace ostensibly nice for breaking his rules. ;) Though all of this stuff (except for the biblical literalism part) is in keeping with what's actually written in the Christian bible.

There will be a reveal of sorts in a few more pages, but I suspect it might not be what you're thinking. And moreover, that reveal in heaven isn't the end of the story, it's just the segue between the 1st and 2nd acts of this parody of the divine comedy. ;)

Thanks for reading, J!
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