In His Own Image
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woohooligan Jun 11, 2015
woohooligan NEW! Check out our best laughs from 2016!
Ahh, yes, Catholic guilt! It's that thing that causes many people to lay awake at night, desperately searching for the answer to that all-important question, "of all the things I did today, which of them were EVIL?!" Not "were any evil?", no, no, we're told unequivocally that we're guaranteed to do wicked, evil things every day! :P

Here's another question: if we've agreed that Yaweh was perfect and all powerful, and we've agreed that everything he creates is perfect (because he's just that cool), how can he condemn so many of his creations to hell? I mean... If Adam and Eve had been perfect, you would think that the perfect creations would always act perfectly, right? They never would have eaten the apple and been thrown out of that garden in the first place, because they'd have followed Yaweh's instructions perfectly! That is, after all, what the word perfect actually means: without flaw.

But is it any wonder that Jewish and Catholic Guilt (yes, captial G), are so intense when the ten commandments are bookended with "thou shalt not covet?" Going all the way back to Mosaic Law, you could go to hell just for looking over at some other dude enjoying his lunch and thinking to yourself "I wish I had that sandwich." And that's without even considering the passage of the Bible in which we're told that just thinking about doing something is the same as having done it ("look at a woman lustfully blah blah adultery in your heart"). Apparently God keeps a Big-Brother, thought-police style log of all the women we've even looked at and thought "she's hot", just to throw that in our face on judgement day!

On the subject of racism in particular, the Bible has some interesting things to say. I mean... just a cursory glance at the Bible should lead you to this notion of certain people being "God's chosen people", above all others. In itself this is basically the same claim made by the Nazis. Yes, the new testament offers some amendments to that, like the story in Acts 10 in which believers are told to baptize everyone, regardless of ethnicity... but even still, there's a passage in which Jesus himself calls a woman a dog and makes her grovel just because she's a Canaanite. And all of this becomes even weirder in the context of the previous statement about the relative perfection of God and God's creations, namely Adam and Eve. If God created ALL men and all his creations are perfect, then why would he even have a "chosen people"? If God is perfect, and all his creations are perfect, why does he make all his creations go through this two-steps-forward, one-step back dance to avoid eternal punishment?

Of course, being a Unitarian myself, I don't actually believe that any God that might exist would actually send anyone to hell... I just don't believe in hell -- I just can't bring myself to believe in it. For me it just doesn't compute.

As for this story, I'm going to talk briefly about these sorts of inconsistencies in the Bible in the next page or two. Stick around, it's going to be hilarious! :D

Did you enjoy this? Want more? All of the bonus panels and alternate endings are now available on the official Woohooligan Patreon page!

What's on your mind?
I tend to like Black Jesus art more than the traditional White versions since it's more subversive, but honestly I doubt Biblical Israelites were "Black" like Africans. Arabs would make a better fit for them. If you look at ancient Egyptian portrayals of Semitic Palestinians, they're portrayed with tan skin which is lighter than the darker brown Egyptians themselves.

http://www.bible-archaeology.info/Beni-Hassan-Asiatiques1.jpg

http://i29.photobucket.com/albums/c265/Yellowspotlight89/here_zps40a8aefe.png

Though to be sure, so-called "Black" identity has incorporated a variety of skin tones, ranging from caramel brown to very dark.

As for the Romans, I imagine they were mostly Mediterranean people darker than Northern Europeans, but they would have incorporated many other physical types as their empire expanded.
woohooligan Jun 11, 2015
woohooligan Yeah, I'm not a scholar on the subject, although I did a little bit of research before deciding on this direction with the story. The previous page had a link at the top of the comments about a scientific reconstruction of the appearance of first-century Jews and I've read also that the image of Jesus on the back of some coins minted by Emperor Justinian II showed him having the kind of hair we see from African lineage. The digital reconstruction isn't the darkest black person I've seen by any stretch -- Mike Yard from the Nightly Show is certainly darker toned.

But it does look to me at least black enough that I could see why some modern people might say "black" rather than "arabic"... keeping in mind that when shown a photo of Barack Obama, most African people will say "I've never seen that white guy before". Or that was the case just after he was elected. :P Meanwhile American taxi drivers saw him as black.
CJM Jun 14, 2015
Skin colour and Hell - My take on it is that
a) Jesus would have had moderately dark (brown) skin. The white skin completion was due to the dominance of Roman Catholicism.
b) God Yahweh does not condemn us to hell, we do that ourselves.
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