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woohooligan Jun 6, 2015
woohooligan NEW! Check out our best laughs from 2016!
Admit it, you were expecting a white Jesus. ;) After all, the devils are red with horns and goatees and the angels are cartoon stereotypes, but no! The Jesus in this story is historically accurate. Why? Because it's hilarious! Did you know that every country or culture depicts Jesus as looking like themselves? So sure, you probably (if you're reading this web-page) grew up in a culture full of erroneous depictions of "white Jesus", but the Jesus pictures were erroneous in every culture! And just for that, all you humans are going to hell, you racist bastards! I myself will be returning to Alpha Centauri when I'm done with this host body. :P

The past few weeks have been pretty crazy and while I don't (yet) guarantee a particular update schedule, this page took longer than I would have liked. I've switched to a new diet (high protein - basically Paleo) that's been doing a good job of finally letting me lose weight, and improving my blood-sugar regulation. I lost five pounds in two weeks and then yesterday right on the heels of my regular doctor visit, I had a sudden drop in blood sugar! Luckily I didn't pass out, but it was pretty scary for a minute there and I realized that because of the diet, I don't need quite as much insulin now. Yay! I've been really looking forward to posting this page actually, excited to see it out there and to know what's coming in the next few pages. :D If you'd like to help ensure that future pages are published faster (possibly even on a schedule!), a pledge on our Patreon page will certainly help!

I drew a black Jesus once before, although technically it wasn't for Woohooligan despite the fact that it's in the Woohooligan archive. No, that one was made for our good friends at a place called the Cutting Room, a cool comic that unfortunately hasn't updated since 2012.

I'm not sure how much those two angels at the top will appear in the rest of the story. That's Michael and Gabriel. At the moment I don't have any specific plans for them, but we'll see. I do have other plans for Jesus and for Heaven, but no spoilers! :D

For now, I'll just say this: to date, I've only read small passages of the Christian Bible (or really any holy book) and to be honest, it's mostly been for research. I did however get a laugh out of this passage. This is either Mathew 7:7-11 or Luke 11:9-13 (they're identical except for the scorpion) from the NIV translation. This is the latter half of Jesus' WikiHow tutorial on how to pray.

7 “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

9 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? 11 If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

You notice how Jesus slides in that little jab there? "So since you, my wonderful followers are obviously EVIL! and yet you somehow manage not to torture or murder your own children, just imagine how much cooler we gods (who made you) are!" He's really setting the bar for God high there, letting you know that God must be better than people who are apparently only slightly better than people who murder their own children! :P It's like when you ask your buddy to spot you five bucks for gas and you say "sure, I will, 'cause you know, you're such a DOUCHE! and I'm such a cool guy like that, to help you out and all." :P

Did you enjoy this? Want more? All of the bonus panels and alternate endings are now available on the official Woohooligan Patreon page!

Miaubol Jun 8, 2015
Miaubol probably just how it works, every race have their own image, and the Botched Fresco for aliens someplace out there..
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